Of Significance, Importance, And Other Childish Things
Do you have a person in your life who can make you happy just by spending time with you, even if the two of you are doing and talking about nothing? What do you call those people?
Okay, before proceeding, I tell you now that this post is not educational. This is just a pure emotional wall of text that you might or might not relate to. Don’t blame me if you feel like you just wasted 5 minutes of your life after reading this.
Okay. back to the first paragraph, what’s my reason for asking those questions? Well, I for one don’t know what those people are called, I just know that I was never someone like that to anyone.
Right now, I feel very insignificant and very unimportant as a person. What I feel is that: if not for the things I can do or the things that I have, no on would talk to me or be with me. No one gets happy just by being with me or just by talking to me, that never happens! There’s always something I need to do in order to make other people feel good when they’re with me. My mere presence can never be enough. If it’s not about the Bible, guitars, web development, Tekken, or anything that I’m good at (if there are any more), no one would actually listen. And I have to accept the fact that not most of the people are interested in the things that I do and the things that I’m interested at. It’s a lose-lose scenario!
How I get caught up in this situation, insignificant and unimportant as a person, I don’t know. But man I hate it.
Ask yourself. Why me? Why would you want to talk to me? Why would you want to spend time with me? Why do you read this blog? What’s the reason? Do you benefit from my words? Do you benefit from my presence? Do you think you’ll learn something new from me? I know! You have lots of reasons! You will never say that “because it’s you”, that never happens!
There’s always a need for a change in my part. Yes, people might say that they love me, and I’m very grateful for that, but why am I always required to change in order to fit? Can’t you people just love me for me? “No, Josh! because you’re of no importance to anyone! People only like you because you can be useful to them, or because you can do something that they deem cool, or because you will change for them, not because you are who you are. Are you dreaming?”
Seriously, I don’t get it. Why is it like this? I hate it! There’s always a pool of requirement that I need to submit to in order to be significant to one’s life. There’s always a set of skill needed if I want to be demanded by someone. There’s always something to be given out in order for myself to be accepted. I need to be more dominant in order to gain respect. Ugh!
Agh! I just want to be loved for who I am and not for what people want me to be! Is that too much to ask?
The irony here is that when I met you for the (first and especially) second time I really wanted to spend more time with you and talk to you more after that. And that wouldn’t only be about nerd stuff or whatever. For you are an interesting person that I’d like to spend time with because my first impression of you is really nice and funny.
So let’s just meet some time, buddy!